{"id":748,"date":"2011-12-21T00:35:41","date_gmt":"2011-12-21T04:35:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hamiltonartist.com\/blog\/?p=748"},"modified":"2011-12-23T01:01:30","modified_gmt":"2011-12-23T05:01:30","slug":"coping-with-loss-at-christmas-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hamiltonartist.com\/blog\/?p=748","title":{"rendered":"COPING WITH LOSS AT CHRISTMAS TIME"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Most people say that this is the worst time of year if you are trying to deal with the death of someone you love. \u00a0I have a different opinion on this sentiment. \u00a0I am not coming from a psychology point of view, but one of experience, having just lost the man that I loved last month. \u00a0This is not only the most nostalgic time of year, but also the most festive, the most busy and for many, the most friendly. \u00a0The following are some tips that have helped me during this Christmas season and perhaps they can help you too.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Lean On Me<\/strong> – <\/em>Friends have asked you what they can do for you, or have said to call when you need to talk. \u00a0You may not feel like attending any parties, but there are many activities that can take your mind off your own grief. \u00a0This is a lovely time of the year to have friends come over to keep you company, or to drop in on friends yourself. \u00a0Let someone take you out for the day and go shopping or to some Christmas recital that might take your mind off your loss. \u00a0It is also a great time of the year to volunteer or to offer to bake for Christmas sales, filling your home with warmth and comfort.<\/em><\/li>\n
  2. Turn On The Radio<\/strong> – <\/em>Filling your home with music can be very beneficial to combat depression. \u00a0A CD can help, but I get more benefit out of the radio. \u00a0There is more of a connection to the outside world with the live broadcast. \u00a0Tune into one of the popular stations that tend to play more of the upbeat carols. \u00a0Your home won’t seem quite so empty and lonely.<\/em><\/li>\n
  3. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas<\/strong> – <\/em>While you may not feel like it at all, it will probably make you feel better if you can get up and haul out some of the Christmas decorations. \u00a0I forced myself to put up the tree for my annual studio open house and while I did not put up the monumental display of other years, the decorated tree and some red cushions and pine boughs give a warmth to my home that comfort and envelop me.<\/em><\/li>\n
  4. Keep Your Body Healthy<\/strong> – <\/em>Keep a minimal amount of sweets and pastries in the house. \u00a0When you are dealing with sorrow it is very easy to neglect yourself. \u00a0Bad eating habits and Christmas treats will start to put weight on you and add to your depression with the bad effects that sugar has on your system. \u00a0Too much coffee, wine and sugar stimulates your already overworked adrenal glands, making you feel tired and exhausted. \u00a0This will only add to your depression. \u00a0If you don’t feel like cooking, then try to stock your fridge with some healthy vegetables and fruits or dishes that friends have made for you.<\/em><\/li>\n
  5. Just Breathe<\/strong> – You probably feel and ache in your heart like it is breaking or being crushed. \u00a0Commonly known as ‘broken heart syndrome’ you are experiencing chest pains that are very real. \u00a0You may even feel as if you cannot breath easily. \u00a0An over-production of stress hormones are causing your arteries to constrict, decreasing the blood flow and the flow of oxygen. \u00a0Take slow deep breaths in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. \u00a0Repeat this several times and in a few minutes your stress hormones will begin to regulate themselves.<\/em><\/li>\n
  6. Laughing vrs Crying<\/strong> – <\/em>Watch some funny Christmas movies. \u00a0Laughter stimulates your endorphins, making you feel less stressed and promotes a feeling of well-being. \u00a0It relaxes you, boosts your immune system and increases blood flow which helps your heart to function better and will help take away some of the painful ache that you are physically feeling right now deep inside your chest. \u00a0Crying on the other hand has the opposite effect. \u00a0In a study on the effects of crying, over 60 percent of the study group said that they felt worse after crying alone, but a significant amount said that they felt better after crying with a friend. \u00a0This led the psychologists to realize that it was the act of talking to a friend and not the actual crying itself that lifted their spirits. \u00a0You may have your own favorite comedies, but here are two of my holiday favorites: \u00a0“National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” and “Home Alone”. \u00a0Don’t neglect the power of the romantic comedies either. \u00a0I have watched “The Holiday” over and over this season. \u00a0It has brought back the feeling of love that Lennie and I shared and has made me feel happy each time that I have watched it.<\/em><\/li>\n
  7. Get Moving <\/strong>– <\/em>While watching some Christmas shows can be good for your soul, y<\/em>ou may be tempted to sit in front of the TV all day or all evening long. \u00a0Keep an inexpensive piece of exercise\u00a0equipment\u00a0where you like to watch TV. \u00a0You can use weights, pilates bands or a yoga mat, or whatever you think you would actually use. \u00a0I have an air-stepper in front of the TV. \u00a0I can get on and off whenever I want and I sometimes have to force myself to use it, but it is a lot easier when it is right there beside you. \u00a0In the daytime try to get out in the fresh air. \u00a0It will honestly boost your outlook. \u00a0I have found that my salvation is running through the woods with my West Highland Terrier, Chaucer.<\/em><\/li>\n
  8. Can’t Buy Me Love<\/strong> – <\/em>That is how<\/em> the Beatles song goes, but you can buy love. \u00a0It comes in many shapes and sizes and either purrs or barks. \u00a0There is a reason that the stereotypical image of the woman who loses her husband and goes out and gets a dog exists: \u00a0pets are comforting and welcoming. \u00a0They are always happy to see you. \u00a0They are always there to lend an ear to your woes. \u00a0They can also lessen your anxiety if you are suddenly alone in your home and provide you with protection and a sense of security. \u00a0Numerous studies have shown that the mere act of petting a dog or cat will lower your blood pressure. \u00a0They also give you a reason to get up every day… because they need you. \u00a0Your local animal shelter is full of dogs and cats that need someone to love just as much as you might need them.<\/em><\/li>\n
  9. Look Out Instead of In<\/strong><\/em> – <\/em>Dwelling on your past and your lost love and the life that you had with him\/her is not healthy. \u00a0Remember them, but don’t dwell. \u00a0You have to move forward whether you want to or not. \u00a0It is the only choice that we really have. \u00a0But that doesn’t mean that you can’t still spend time with them in your mind or even in reality. \u00a0I have found comfort in making a little area that is a tribute to Lennie and I with a lot of photos and some mementos that are special to me. <\/em><\/li>\n
  10. A Little Fantasy is Okay<\/strong> – <\/em>It is the stuff that movies and books are made of. \u00a0We use to go out dancing every Friday night and had many\u00a0impromptu whirls around the kitchen. \u00a0We still do… there have been many moments when I have felt his presence beside me or just a favorite song or carol has started to play on the radio. \u00a0So I dance. \u00a0I dance alone, but feel as if I am still in Lennie’s arms, as we sway around the kitchen floor. \u00a0You’re not crazy. \u00a0Sometimes you may find yourself talking to your lost love. \u00a0And you may even think that they are answering you. \u00a0They are. \u00a0They knew you so well that you know what their answers would be. \u00a0What would they be telling you right now?\"\"<\/a> Lennie would be saying to me, “It’s alright to miss me baby, but don’t cry for me. \u00a0I am out of pain now and I am okay. \u00a0And you will be okay too.” \u00a0So when you think that you feel them beside you, know that they are there, for they will live eternally in your heart. \u00a0More so at this time of the year than any other their spirit will be felt.<\/em><\/li>\n
  11. Be Gentle With Yourself<\/strong> – Don’t push yourself. \u00a0If the Christmas cards don’t get sent out and the house is not exactly the way you like it, it’s okay; Christmas will still come. \u00a0Everyone (or at least the people who count) will understand. <\/em><\/li>\n
  12. Count Your Blessings<\/strong> – <\/em>Remember the words of one of the great writers of love:<\/em> “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” <\/em>You had something that many people only ever hope for. \u00a0You loved and were loved in return.<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Blessings this Christmas,<\/em><\/p>\n

    Kathryn<\/em><\/p>\n

    www.kathrynsmith.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Most people say that this is the worst time of year if you are trying to deal with the death of someone you love. \u00a0I have a different opinion on this sentiment. \u00a0I am not coming from a psychology point of view, but one of experience, having just lost the man that I loved last […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[10,14,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-748","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-health","category-lennie-and-kathryn","category-thoughts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hamiltonartist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/748","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hamiltonartist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hamiltonartist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hamiltonartist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hamiltonartist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=748"}],"version-history":[{"count":20,"href":"https:\/\/www.hamiltonartist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/748\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":773,"href":"https:\/\/www.hamiltonartist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/748\/revisions\/773"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hamiltonartist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=748"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hamiltonartist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=748"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hamiltonartist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=748"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}